Laying Down the Law

I am a law student. This title is a pun...except not really, because, though this is a shopping blog and not a fashion blog, effective shopping and an understanding of basic principles of fashion are inexorably intertwined, and the situation in Boston's fashion/shopping nexus has become so dire it cannot go ignored.

I am sick and tired of seeing college aged girls walking down the street in outfits that make me want to scream, "Did you check your ass in the mirror before you went out in that?!?!?!" It's not even a question of style sense anymore, because that can be subjective (I guess)...but why do girls leave the house walking around in things that don't look good on them? I watch them being completely oblivious to the fact that their ass cellulite, completely defined through the flimsy fabric of whatever godforsaken goucho pantaloon gym bunny slut whore thong thing they strapped on this morning, looks like an f-ing treasure map. But even worse is the girls who KNOW they're wearing something they shouldn't be wearing and being completely self-conscious about it - you see the subtle smoothing of the hems, the adjustment of the cups, the strange slanted frown across the face. If you're not comfortable in it - WHY THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING IT?

Good...God.

Therefore, I am laying down the following rules of the road:

Miniskirts...look good on NO ONE.
Mustard Yellow...looks good on NO ONE.
Leggings without a skirt or something over them....look good on NO ONE.
Printy fabrics featuring a combination of more than one of the colors in what I refer to as the "vomit trifecta" (lemon yellow, coral, chartreuse)...look good on NO ONE.
Terrycloth butt shorts...look good on NO ONE.
Letters printed on your ass...look good on NO ONE.
Not being able to walk in your own stiletto heels...looks good on NO ONE.

And for Christ's sake, if anyone can see your ass cheeks moving up and down independently of one another under your skirt DON'T WEAR IT.

I mean honestly, your University of Massachusetts shorts look like they say "Um, ass"... ON YOUR ASS.

And you wore these in PUBLIC? I don't CARE if you just came from the gym - put on some damn jeans.


And then there's this....That's right. They're bringing back the jumpsuit.




Oh heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell noooooo. No. I refuse.

And in DENIM of all things? Who looks good in these exactly? You'd better not let yourself be caught wearing these in public unless you were actually at the original Studio 54 and are now so made of plastic that you're body is still more fabulous than that of any McDonalds fed 20-something of my generation enabling you to pull this off without anybody pointing and laughing after half a block.

Honestly, I would have considered this look before it came "into style" ("into style" used here used more in the it's an economic crisis and the fashion industry is scraping the barrel and this will be gone in less than year sense - please don't mistake this for any indication that this look could ever actually be stylish post 1977). I saw a bright purple 70's jumpsuit at The Garment District's vintage section once and would have bought it if it were a size larger. Because then it would have said something, something akin to words like "unique" "quirky" "old school" "playful" "edgy" "discoglam." But now that it's an actual fad? That just takes the fun right out of it. And now such a getup only says "Hey, I'm wearing this only because the new ad campaign at Express told me to and I'm so brainwashed and conformist and incapable of developing a style of my own that it's fairly easy for the ponytailed little gnomes that run the fashion industry to convince me I ought to be wearing something this ridiculous."

But that's OK. Jumpsuits really aren't that offensive anymore considering how Arden B. has also been daring enough to bring back THE ROMPER




I'm pretty sure my mother had the exact same thing when she was in college.


Seriously, ladies. We're going to have to lay down another rule specific to 70's era, I'm the rejected fourth Charlie's Angel style clothing : if you wouldn't feel comfortable discoing down Beacon St. slathered head to toe in rainbow body glitter and cocaine, don't wear it. If you would...I'm willing to make a concession...IF, and only if, you video tape it and give me the youtube rights.

Etsy Hot List Number 4 - IN THE WHITE ROOM

10. Geometric Pillow in black and white by Yeshleesod


9. Mini White Porcelain Vases by RouDesigns


8. Birch Bark Nesting Boxes by NHWoodsCreations


7. Stained Glass Candle Holder by imagineglassstudios


6. Pineapple White Lace Table Cloth by SimonDesign


5. Ocean Day Dreams Beach Glass Mosaid Picture Frame by Sirenetta



4. Inner Peace Bamboo Zen Garden by bornefrielife


3. Swan Designs by SophiaMcD


2. Zebra Stripes Vinyl Wall Decal Kit by SavvyGalDesigns


1. Black Curtains by jeffandstephs

Etsy Hot List Number 3 - IN THE RED ROOM

10. Aluminum Picture Frame by BlushDixi


9. Damask Pillow by PillowThrowDecor


8.

7. Antique Red Stained Glass Decor Vase by Glass2Class


6. Scarlet Poppies Original Watercolor Painting by printmakerjen


5. Dried Brick Red Lin Flower


4. Recycled Vinyl Record Storage Container by retrograndma


3. Tufted Red Chairs by fabulousmess


2. Staggered Nightlight in Red and Purple Stained Glass by BrazanDesign



1. HUGE World Map Wall Decal by SmallTimeArt

They should just rename Cache "The Cougar Den"

So the other night when I was off buying tea at teavana (I know, I'm addicted) I made the mistake of wandering into Cache, where (1) they don't carry my size because suddenly a 14 is no longer acceptable (I remember back when a 16 was a normal size, don't know about you) (that was 3 in a row - I'd earlier stopped in a couture store where I wasn't shocked but Express??? Express has stopped selling size 14 pants except online? I'm getting paranoid that suddenly every store is going to stop selling my size, which I have been consistently since I was 12 years old - early bloomer, what can I say)

but worse than that

(2) THEY CARRY NOTHING BUT COUGAR CLOTHES.

Don't know what the hell I'm talking about?

For your reference:

Urbandictionary.com



The oh so grammatically correct College Affair Magazine (that's embarassing)

Lipstick Jungle


Yeah. It's like that.

I mean, everything was nicely made and flattering, and I have to hand it to them that everything was vibrant and colorful....but it was a lot like the high end version of a Wet Seal, Forever 21 or Charlotte Russe - plus grandma's vintage outdoor-indoor palm frond chaise pillows from her Florida home in the 1960's. And just like grandma's outdated Florida pillows, these clothes go perfectly with a third Cosmopolitan.

So without a do, I give you this season's tropically/jungle print inspired cougar clothes from Cache:

THE ULTIMATE KNITTING POST - PART 3

Finally! We have come to the VERY END, Part III of THE ULTIMATE KNITTING POST.

..... S.

This is where we come when we are LAZY or simply too unskilled or without enough time to do it ourselves but still covet that delightful, kitschy, handknitted look. The following are incredible places to get bodaciously beautiful knits and knitted thingies online.

The first stop should always be Anthropologie. Overpriced (same company as Urban Outfitters, go figure) but GORGEOUS and they don't have sweaters like this anywhere else. I think Anthropologie seriously corners the cutesy popcorn stitch and unusually colored fair isle retail sweater market... Couldn't find many online pics of the pieces I have most loved in the past, but this one will do:




And then, for knitted funk that makes even Anthropologie look prudish, check out Dreamwoven at dreamwoven.com ...



Wowza.


Here, however, is couture house Rodarte's take on "knitting":




Oh, come on! It's avant garde!

No? really, no?

Back to the traditional then...

Or you can go super duper traditional, as in centuries of Irish clan tradition, with clanarans hand knit sweaters, not cheap but phenominal and straight from Ireland (This one is the traditional sweater of the Kennedy clan, which, despite its being Irish, has somehow come to rule the United States of America o_O ):




While I knew that there were clan tartans in Scotland I was completely unaware until researching for this post that there are, apparently, clan arans in Ireland. Definitely check out the history section of their website, explaining what exactly an Aran sweater is and how it came to be. Apparently the stitches are a code that can pass along information - Can anybody say Tale of Two Cities? Meanwhile, if you have an even remotely, tangentially Irish last name they have a whole index of names for you to look under to find your family's traditional Irish sweater. It will tell you what sweater is yours, what the symbols in the sweater stand for, and the story and history of your family that led to the development of said sweater. Pretty nifty. I have seriously blown hours looking up the sweaters of Irish people I know - is that weird?


And then, of course, how could I do hand-knit without a gander at Etsy.com? Observe, minions!

First of all, elf518 may be the most talented knitter I have ever seen.

This piece of work, for the modest (and probably deserving) price of $600 smackeroonies, was HAND KNIT



Are you kidding? I have serious needle envy.

OffTheHookSweaters offers surprisingly sound prices for their sizable, wrapparoundykeepwarmy sweaters given how much labor and yarn must go into them -I enjoy this one:



And for truly delightful floral neckwear (with matching hats!) consider xeino's creations...



And finally, because this is an equal opportunity shopping blog, I have included one token crochet item from MyissaG - wasn't gonna do it but the cuteness compelled me (check out her pretty colored wash cloths, lacy crochet scarves, and bunny plushies)




Greener Pastures Farm offers what they call Real Socks, custom made by hand with high quality wool yarn at $199 a pair. The seller makes a point - that in order to sell high quality, hand knit items made with tight, small stitches out of good materials you have to charge less than minimum wage for your labor...according to the website these socks would cost over $400 if she paid herself minimum wage, and I believe it. She also made a good point in her May 6, 09 blog post about women's work being undervalued in comparison to the work of men.

Still...I don't know that I can afford $199 a pair, no matter how high quality the socks are. This is part of what stinks about selling hand knit, and hand made in general - someone, either on the selling end or the buying end or both, has gotta get screwed. This is why I knit for myself.

THE ULTIMATE KNITTING POST - PART 2

So, we have procured our yarn from THE ULTIMATE KNITTING POST - PART 1, either by purchasing a gorgeous specimen already made or spinning up some luxurious fibers on our own...now it's time to procure a pattern. I'm a fan of winging it myself, perhaps picking up just a stitch pattern and turning it into something...but then again, I would NEVER be able to improvise these babies:

Knitted Lace of Estonia.




They're soooo beautiful but SO intricate. I'm going to have to work my way up to that one.


In the meantime, I can sate myself with

Luxury Yarn One Skein Wonders



Loooook hoooow fluuuuuffffyyyyyy....o_O

Purlbee, along with offering a slew of free knitting patterns (among other things) on its site offers a wide array of knitting and stitch pattern publications, such as these prim-covered little Treasuries by Barbara Walker.




And then there's Ravelry which is alarmingly overwhelming with free and purchasable patterns FOR EVERYTHING.

I happen to own The Big Book of Knitting which is, frankly, really difficult to navigate through...but it has SO MUCH in it that it is inevitably helpful. It just takes some searching to find it...




Meanwhile, I eagerly await my One Knitting Pattern a Day calendar that I ordered for my desk at work so that when I'm not knitting I can fantasize that I am.

Finally, Vogue Knitting offers a ridiculous amount of fancy-shmancy (if cumbersome) fashion knits both in print and online.

And there's always Google.


Then there's a question of knitting implements, mainly needles, stitch markers, crochet hooks and stitch holders.

I'm personally a fan of Brittany needles



Because, though a bit pricey, I believe it's important when making beautiful things that you use beautiful things...it puts you in the right state of mind.

I've never used a Brittany crochet hook



but they look stunning. I know they're available at Woolcott and Co. in Harvard Square.

and Lenabrowndesigns.etsy.com offers endless beautiful knitting needle cases to store them in.



I have one and it has made my knitting life that much more organized.

And in case you ever needed to order circular needles in bulk, check out Brilliantknitting.etsy.com



My goodness!

Then for complex patterns, you'll need markers. Etsy offers stitch markers galore, for every project and personality...but I would be partial to using these markers by meredithknitting.etsy.comfor my next Irish aran:




And speaking of Irish arans, I will be featuring some beautiful, hand-knit Irish aran sweaters in my final post of this series, dedicated to lazy-(wo)man knitting - buying premade! Stay tuned for a plethora beautiful sweaters and lovely knitted items in THE ULTIMATE KNITTING POST - PART 3!!!

THE ULTIMATE KNITTING POST - PART 1

So, are you an ultimate knitter? Or, alternatively, do you sometimes see yarn that makes you want to drop where you stop or stop where you drop and learn how? Or will you have none of that and purchase your beautiful, sumptuous knits pre-knitted? Do you swoon at Anthropologie in the Winter, browse Etsy's litany of oversized, alpaca cowls and drool, Covet those ridiculously splurge-tastic cashmere and ribbon fingerless gloves you saw the other day done up in stockinette stitch with a scallop edge? Do you want to make and/or have ALL OF IT?

Then you are probably my soul mate, because I most certainly do. And to honor the romance of the gaping hole in my soul that can be filled by nothing that is not warm and fuzzy and like the wearable version of hot-cocoa (and because Boston seems to still think it's Winter) I give you...

THE ULTIMATE KNITTING POST. That's right, boys and girls. Yarn, books, implements, spindles and rovings, and knitted up goodies all right here. A post SO ULTIMATE it has to be broken up into parts. This is part 1. I'm excited. Let's go.

First stop, yarn. Some people pick a pattern first, then find the yarn...this technique is so...sad. And mechanical. And blah. And flavorless and boring. AND BACKWARDS IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY. There's no color in it! When I knit I have to feel the yarn, get inspired by it, find that perfect color combination that just screams its unique need to be concocted, let it speak to me, get ZEN with the YARN.

Therefore.

Number one stop, artfibers. I first ran into artfibers when I was interning in San Francisco a few summers ago. The ridiculousness of San Francisco real estate + economic crisis appears to have forced them into a new, suburban location, and poor little me - I'm on an opposite coast! But have no fear as you can order ALL their incredibly unique yarn on the intarnets in various quantities. Artfibers, how I love thee - especially thy current obsession with bamboo fiber (which, if you've ever worked with it or worn it, is like the cashmere of the non-animal world. Great to spin up, too.)

Artfibers is always discontinuing old lines and starting new ones, so be careful if you fall too much in love; buy in bulk - but always always ALWAYS stop back to see if there's something new.



Phos, pictured here, is probably the most unique of all their yarns. The pictures of it knitted up really don't do it justice so I haven't featured them. It's a strange, strange yarn, but it stands up in this super weird texture that makes me think of tiny Martian stalagtites. They used to have a radioactive snot green that I'm not finding on the website, which bums me out, but this one was always a close second.

Golden chai and tsuki are also two personal favorites, but I frankly have never been disappointed with ANY of their yarns. Plus, the option to buy in various quantities on cones is awesome. It's always spooled up so it never gets tangled. Super super efficient. Their story is also interesting if you check it out on their website and they clearly strive to come up with new and more interesting yarns as often as possible. Quality is great.

For a while they were offering beautiful, natural Japanese silk fiber that I have personally spun up into a ball on my drop spindle, but I'm not finding it on the website :(

Another yarn I've particularly fallen for is Rowan Tapestry, which seems to be generally available in a variety of yarn speciality stores such as Windsor Button at Downtown Crossing, Boston. I'm partial to the
Lakeland Colorway, which (though it's hard to see from the picture) knits up into subtle stripes of light to medium dark blue. It looks like the ocean meeting the sky on a misty day. I don't know if the words "luxurious" and "Beanie" ever belong together, but if they do, then this knits up into the most beautiful, luxurious beanie in the world. 70/30 Merino/Soy. Mmmm, sooooy...


Then there's this lovely shop I fell upon while browsing Ravelry, Redstoneyarns.com - with its earthy name and sumptuous treats I couldn't resist adding to my favorites. I haven't had the opportunity to work with this gorgeous looking stuff quite yet, but it's on my summer to do list (once the law school has released me from its insipid bowels.) It ain't cheap, but it's gorgeous, including the holy grail of yarns - pre-beaded yarn, and some beautiful tussah silk bats in ridiculous jewel tones just begging me to spin them...


A brand I have worked with and highly recommend is Manos del Uruguay, for their international flair, socially-conscious mission, and high-quality product. Their big schtick is that their yarn is artisan made by rural women. And I gotta tell you, it worked on me. I purchased a gorgeous 50/50 silk/merino blend with a tag stating it was handmade by "Graciella." I was like...Graciella you are awesome. Plus, according to their website, they've supplied fibers to Ralph Lauren and DKNY. Don't we feel exclusive and luxurious now?

Some gorgeous photos from their website I could not resist posting, their silk blend colorways, for instance:







Then there is handspun on Etsy.com - just LOOK at these lovelies:

LOOK at this magnificently plied pinky-red handspun by windroseyarn.etsy.com and tell me it doesn't make you make incomprehensible gurgling noises of lust:



But WAIT! Then there's this incredibly textural yarn from cecilemarie.etsy.com...



TwilightKnits.etsy.com handpainted yarns...



Spirally wonders from sagefox.etsy.com



and delicious colors from beeskneesknitting




BUT WAIT! There's still the option to Make Your Own with beautiful drop spindles from 3gwoodworks.etsy.com



or BrandywineWW.etsy.com




And alpaca roving from alpacadirect.com

or one of these magnificent Etsy fiber gurus:

Gorgeous fiber by isjulafiber (and she's right- I bought some, and it IS gorgeous)



Incredible contrast by Spincerely.etsy.com




Wowie Kazowie bats from DeepSeaFibers



and finally, Gorgeous handpainted Mongolian cashmere and mulberry silk by exclusivelylindalee



which I have purchased, spun up and adore in precisely that colorway - haven't knitted it yet, and am in fact thinking of striping it with my artfibers silk.


Let me tell you a little bit about my last featured roving genius, Ms. LindaLee (naturally her shop's inactive just as I go to feature her because they're moving!)... I purchased this fiber from her after moving, myself, and for some reason the post office didn't forward it to my new address. This seller was soooo helpful, getting back to me right away with tracking numbers and communicating and check in for status reports...meanwhile the post office did nada, and that was after I went back to my old building to look for the damn thing and contacted my landlord and everything (we think someone stole it but...how many people steal roving???). When Ms. LindaLee heard of this she wouldn't have it -she sent me another, free of charge.

THAT is love...of fiber. Keep an eye on this shop because I guarantee you that when she starts posting new items again they're gonna be GORGEOUS.


Now...phew...we FINALLY have a yarn to inspire us...or at least some fiber to turn into yarn to inspire us...

and NOW it is time to find a pattern....I have some books on Amazon.com in mind that can provide us with precisely that....but it will have to wait until...

dum dum dum....


THE ULTIMATE KNITTERS POST - PAAAAAAAAAART TWOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!